Practising Gratitude To Combat Loneliness During the Holiday Season

by Steve Foran, P. ENG, CSP, MBA

If you haven’t noticed, there’s a lot of hype going on now. Hype aside, the holidays are meant to be a time of hope and joy. Unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone. For a lot of people, the holidays can be very challenging because of stress, financial pressures and for many, because of loneliness.

Recent Gallup poll found 20% of Americans felt lonely and this study was completed before layering on the high expectations of the holidays.

Whether loneliness comes from loss or life circumstances, a recent groundbreaking study found that grateful people are less lonely. This study assessed 26 research studies conducted around the world over the past 14 years—the studies accounted for diversity in age, culture, employment status, relationship status, gender, educational level, and to a degree, socio-economic status. The diversity of the studies is what makes the findings from this current research so compelling.

Bottom line, researchers found that if you are above average in gratitude, you have a 62% less chance of scoring below average in loneliness. Here’s what this means for you:

“the more you engage in a gratitude practice, the less lonely you will be”

When you are grateful you are less likely to feel lonely because:

• you are more likely to notice the support of others

• you have more social connections

• you tend to act in ways to support others (this is the pay-it-forward philosophy)

• you generally feel better and are more optimistic—it’s difficult to hold opposite emotions at the same time

• you are more open to possibilities

• you tend to see the cup half full vs half empty enabling you to see the good in your life—this doesn’t mean you ignore the challenges, stress, loss or grief in your life

More on this final point. Grateful people have a superpower. Instead of being consumed by the crap going on in their lives, grateful people can see the good despite the crap—this is a game changer !

Grateful people don’t ignore the negative aspects of their lives, but because they can see the good, they experience a dramatic shift in how they make sense of their situation. This equips grateful people to better deal with the crap—be it loneliness, stress, grief, financial pressures, whatever !

Recently I was asked,

“Can I be grateful while I’m experiencing a lot of grief—like I am right now ?”

My response, "First off, I can’t tell you or anyone else that you should be grateful—no matter your circumstances. We each must find gratitude ourselves. But I do know that gratitude can coexist with other emotions like loneliness or aching grief."

When Mom died in 2013, I distinctly remember the funeral and the feelings that were bubbling up in me. We are sitting at the front of a packed church, the same church where Mom and Dad married 51 years earlier, and I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. 

“I'm grateful for my brothers and sister and the support we provided to each other and to Dad. I’m grateful for the love and comfort in having friends and family surround us in our time of tragic loss. I’m grateful Mom died peacefully.”

Paradoxically, in this pew—I’m grateful and sad at the same time. Gratitude did not extinguish the grief I was experiencing. Gratitude simply allowed me to see the good amidst the grief—this is the superpower we’re talking about.

We know—there is a time for grief. And there is a time for loneliness, there is a time for stress, there is a time for every emotion. I think there’s also a time for gratitude and it can coexist when we’re having difficult times.

Let’s talk about how you can cultivate being more grateful, whether the holidays bring you down or lift you up:

• if you’re struggling because of the holidays

• give yourself a break—if you’re having a really hard time, don’t force being grateful. Come back and try again tomorrow.

• take up my challenge and make a gratitude list of 3 things for the next seven days. Don’t try to force your gratitude—if your list comes empty, that’s ok.

• help someone—no surprise, you’ll be amazed at how you feel

• write a thank you note to someone who’s made a big difference in your life—it could be big or small. Write it and send it with no expectation of hearing anything back.

• ask someone you trust what they are grateful for and listen

• if you want to build the gratitude superpower

• take up the gratitude list challenge and make a gratitude list every day

• take up the super-charger gratitude habit—read or listen to what other people share as their gratitudes (you can read mine or have gratitude delivered to your inbox every day here - https://www.gratitudeatwork.ca/the-daily-gratitudes/habitual-ritual)

Wishing you prosperity, joy and peace for the holidays.

Steve Foran, P. ENG, CSP, MBA

Phone: (902) 802-8494 www.gratitudeatwork.ca

My dream is one billion happier people.

While not the typical career path of an Electrical Engineer, I began exploring the notion of gratitude in a professional capacity during my MBA. In my research, I hosted many conversations in my community and discovered the existence of a gratitude gap in the workplace. From this discovery, I founded Gratitude at Work back in 2007 which has since developed into the multifaceted program that it is today. 

While my kids like to tease me about my mid-life crisis as I switched professions and speaking centre stage, I see these disciplines as one and the same. Just as in engineering, with Gratitude at Work, I get to uncover the mechanics of a happy and productive workplace and figure out how to make any professional setting run at peak performance. I have been privileged to work with executives from around the world making lasting shifts in company cultures and helping their teams be happier and more productive at work. My ultimate goal is to reach as many people as possible as I truly believe that gratitude opens the door to living a happier more fulfilled life and greater solidarity among humankind.

When not on stage, I’m a son, brother, supportive husband, loving father and relatively newly minted grandfather. I’m proud to be a lifelong resident of Halifax, Nova Scotia doing my part to make my home a better place to live and work. I’m grateful for my family, my community and the opportunity I have been given to do this work. So thank you!!  PROUD ACHIEVEMENTS

WRITING 

Surviving to Thriving - The 10 Laws of Grateful Leadership 

The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California Berkeley ranked my book as 1 of 8 recommended summer reads in 2019. It was also named in INC. as 1 of 5 positive psychology books to read for a happier 2019

SPEAKING 

In 2019, I was an inaugural winner of Canada's CEO Trusted Advisor Awards Program 

In 2017, together with 42 other top-rated speakers from around the world, I was awarded the gold standard of professional speaking - CSP™

Peak Benefit Solutions Inc. was established in 2008 and have helped more than 400 clients from entrepreneurs, manufacturing, professional services and public organizations with their comprehensive benefits planning. Every step of the way, we are with you.